Its been a while and i always say that when i post something here. 

But..i am so compelled to type something here because its the last day of 2011! Just a disclaimer before you read further, you might find me talking a lot about Daddy God and all, and sometimes i wonder if anybody reading this would think that i'm being too holy moly or something. But FYI, i just can't stop thinking and thanking God as i look back at the year because he has done so much in my life and loved me so much. 

It's been a year full of ups and downs, happy times and sad times. Good and bad times. But i survived it all and 2 words: Praise God. 

There were things that happened this year that i didn't understand why they had to happen but on this last day, i can gladly look back and see so many little reasons that God had for those things happening. And i think its just right for me to take some time today to give thanks and think of precious and important people in my life who were there for me through every thick and every thin. Thank you guys! I wouldn't have made it through this year or be so happy again, without you all. 

The happiest takeaway for this year would be a closer relationship with Daddy God and Amen! God is good. 


And now 2012 is awaiting for me, all the arduous journeys that i need to embark as a J2 senior preparing for A levels, as a sister, as an 18 year old. So much more responsibilities to assume, heavier workload and much more time manageability required. To think of it, it sounds pretty boring and above all, scary. But thats life isn't it? Life is full of anticipation and surprises. Sometimes I really hope that i can morph into a foetus and be a baby. But God didn't intend life to be like this. I know behind every task and obstacle is God's hands guiding me. So i can look at 2012 and not be afraid because when the God of the universe is with me, whom then shall i fear? 

School's been great for me this year, really thankful that i ended up where i am right now - VJ. Summarising the school year, it was a year of great friends, great experiences and great fun! Hope that next year would be a better year, a year that i would walk even closer and tighter with Jesus though school, i presume, would be more torturous than ever. 

I also saw how God is beginning to fulfil His calling in my life and how he restored friendships that really mattered to me. God is great. 


So friends, gear up for next year! 

Crying in your sleep feels sadder than crying when you're awake.

I hate it when my parents fight. For all sorts of reasons, adult reasons. 

But sometimes i just cannot stand it, because it always start from careless words. 

I don't understand how some people can be mean to each other. Part of the reason why i wanna go overseas to study. 

I'm seriously crossing my own fingers for when my turn comes. 

Anyway, been feeling sick and fluish. The feeling you feel when you're sick but can't describe it. Like this queasy feeling? and this sweaty feeling and super humid feeling?



Get well soon to me. 

If there ever comes a day, when we'll be together again by God's grace, we'll restart memories from there. 

To the you who has made my life miserable all this while: I'm moving on. I'm never going to let myself be the one being bullied in this whole situaton anymore. Even if there is a next chance for us again, i'm saying a no. Goodbye, i need to be happy again, there are too many blessings in my life for me to frown. God's grace is sufficient for me and i gotta learn how to accept that things change, people change. Thank you for wonderful memories, i've been diligently trying to put them behind. 



It just suddenly dawned upon me that as i grow older, i become less happier than i was before. I mean i remember my carefree life in the past and now, i can think of a million things that bog me down every single day. You know i kinda feel older and wrinkler somehow.

 maybe its 'cause with greater age comes greater responsibility (a little twist to spiderman's version) and i have a thousand more things under my control now than before. 

Ok, fate accepted. 



Yawns, my life is like so ...i sleep so late every night, accumulate all the eyebags. 

 
Ought to be studying but i had decided to take a short little break that wasn't really short. 

Made a huge mistake: Shouldn't have played that song on guitar. 

I thought I'll be alright listening to it once more after such a long time. But i was wrong, not alright at all. 


That feeling when nostalgia overwhelms you and you choke while humming the tune. 


I find music able to speak to me. 

I doubt anyone would come here to read anymore, I've been stagnant all these while. 

In the past few months, time may fly but a thousand memories stay. I'm trying to live my life anew, forgetting the past- move on. But memories often hurt you more than the person does. 

The feeling when those thousand memories hit you back one at a time.

Those phone calls late into the night, we whispered and tried our best to hear every single word we're saying, lest we wake chicken backside up.

I was once in your every moment, remember?

 
Now when i wake up each day, i know its a different life i live now. Its a painful struggle, i hate living with it, but i trust one day it'll fully dissolve, i know God will come and save me. 

When the one you love leaves, its not the person that hurts you the most but the memories. 

But then again, i know there's a reason for everything though i don't really understand and it sometimes just burst forth into questioning God. I just know that maybe i deserve something better. I need some trust. 

 
It's been so long, but now i'm back.

Back because i feel this pressing need to express myself or i'll just die from the bottled toxic feelings. This is called detoxification. 

JC life is oh so hectic, things happen one after another. So packed, i can't seem to breathe. Shit. 

This one month (although i have 8 more days to go) has its good and bad. Good because i know that sometimes Jesus is my only friend and i know that Jesus is by my side all the time. People come and go, faces appear and fade, through pain and joy, Jesus is always there. And my heart had been cut open to understand this. It was painful, and i did ask why God would cut me up like this, but then i realised that if He did not, there would be no way i would understand and embrace the comfort that God never forsakes. Because i had been placing things above God, and this is my wake up call. 

But it was bad because it feels different. Sometimes i've been wondering if he still cares for me? 

OK, its time i focus back on maths. 

 
this blog has been kept so dead. But at least now its coming back to life again. 

To settle the basic things..
School's been great. Lessons started. My class is awesome. trying for CT council. I need to finish my homework. and so much more

but

i'm so burdened. 

Call me a woman of little faith. Ct interview didn't go very well yesterday as i hoped it would be. But people around has been telling me to have faith and trust in God and i really think i should. There's nothing thats too difficult for God, Mal. Stop being a freakin' worrier. 

and i'm reduced to expressing my feelings on my blog rather than telling it to the one person i want to tell to. Cos we're having a fight. Over same issues we've fought about before. Over same insecurity issues. I'm really worried about how we're going to last like that. 

love is in the air? I saw 2 butterflies flying together, spending their sunday with each other. I saw bridesmaids-somebody's getting married. 
God, are you trying to tell me something? i feel so out of place. 

God, take it all into your hands. So tired.